Chronicles of Just a Normal Awesome Girlfriend: Vol 10, “DAMNIT”

Geeze, where have I been!? It’s like I’ve been held hostage, these lovely life observations just locked in a vault waiting to break out!

Well, it’s sort of true.  The deadbeat gig is up for a spell.  After 7 weeks of having hung up my pencil skirt in exchange for yoga pants, I caved. I’ve accepted a position to do some freelance digital awesomeness at a place.

Now friends, I know what you’re thinking.  Some of you may be sipping your morning jet fuel distraction, contemplating, “WAIT.  I thought she was planning to save herself from the reckless fury of corporate nonsense, plan world domination for good, and then take us with her!?  WHAT IS HAPPENING!?”

Well, you would be correct.  And that’s still the plan.  In the interim, let’s recap what we’ve learned, also a few updates:

  1. Not that I ever, ever need help with my words, but guess what?  On a Mac, for some reason, the thesaurus shortcut trick is command+option+control+R.  Wtf? Why so many steps? Clean it up Steve.  Also, you look VERY skinny.  I mean I know you were sick, but seems like you need a soup. An 8,000 calorie/ day soup with maybe some b-vitamins.  I hope you’re ok.
  2. The construction guys across the street purposefully tell fun jokes in Spanish I can’t understand because I never studied abroad.  UPDATE: I have decided not to submit an application for the Stonework apprenticeship, as I disagree with the design façade chosen by either the home owner or Mr. Brady the obvious designer.  It looks like a new medical park, except it’s a home.  Who wants to live at their dentists’ office? No bueno.
  3. In shitty mood emergencies, musical stylings from the 80s-90s will enlighten your free time experience.  Try, NKOTB’s Hangin’ Tough (mostly for the incessant whistle noise throughout) or Phil Collins Sussudio.  For a special treat, try any Frank Sinatra while snapping fingers.  It works, I promise.
  4. My grandmother is a genius and wants me to be the matriarch of our family for as many generations as I can muster.
  5. Vegas is ridiculous and steals away your money, but not your ability to get into the Playboy Club.
  6. Being 11 years old at 31 is a magical journey, and can take you to dino bone exhibits to enliven the soul.
  7. The law, and specifically jury duty selection, is an intricate tapestry of a process, and should embolden each citizen lucky enough to serve.

Anyway, I must tell you, writing these musings out for you each week, these crazy ruminations of sociology, psychology, and how it feels to give business the finger has been one of the greatest joys of my young and now extremely tan and fit adult life.  Very early on I recognized that I am almost incapacitated with a fascination for human behavior, and the things we choose to do each day.  I would often find myself unnecessarily perplexed by questions like, “what makes people motivated?  Is that girl happy?  Why did she wear that; it’s very unflattering…I should say something” and I’ve come to learn not only am I terribly judgmental, prone to narcissism and have a special love interest for anything irreverent and humorous- but after these few self-introspective weeks I have afforded myself parts of new recognition and revelation.  A self- recognition that all of those things I always regretted to ponder, the things I may have hidden away, are tiny understatements only serving to identify a greater character that continues to evolve.  And I can’t forget about them.

I never would have known that.

Candidly, after so much time of exchanging my work chair for lots and lots of Pacific Ocean sand, going back to an officey-type environment has been a tiny bit challenging.  It has sort of resembled the same exercise as maybe eating a bunch of those baby nails at the bottom of a toolbox that no one will ever use.  You know that they’re useful in some capacity, but for the life of you, it’s unmistakable their tiny size, their utter inconvenience and barely recognizable purpose.

I still am not sure what drove me to take meetings so quickly now.  I suppose admittedly I do like business and working with smart people and telling people what to do.  But the larger lesson is that this is still part of an incongruous process, and I am still at it, still changing, still obsessing and trying to punch bad decisions, mean people and crime in the face.   And neither myself, nor you, will ever know if we don’t serve ourselves great, heaping bowlfuls of change every once and again.

After this respite, and now into this new phase, I know that I give a shit enough to never stop asking myself this question: “if this isn’t it, then what is it?”  Sometimes the answer is, “hmm this is definitely not it”.  But sometimes there is so much certainty you can feel the weightlessness through the absence of sight and sound.  A weightlessness that comes with your peace for the moment.

I am thankful for this time.  Thankful for these moments.  And thankful in knowing that no matter what the answer is, I am grateful for still asking.

I hope you are finding your peace in this week.  And remembering to recognize what makes yourself, your self.

Talk soon,

Esa

Chronicles of Just a Normal Awesome Girlfriend: Vol 10, “DAMNIT”